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What’s the trouble?

Posted by | Evil Kristos | May 21, 2009 | 1 Comment

These are difficult times and we need some cheering up. The economic situation is so miserable that I am sure we all are grateful for the amusing distractions politicians create these days. Bless them! They really try hard to make us think about something other than the economy. Their futile attempts to cheer us up are heart warming. It is a crying shame that it is the English politicians only and it does make me a little jealous. Our neighbours over in the UK really do get something for their money.

Unlike our very own Brian Cowen British politicians have accepted their responsibility to keep people happy and they try hard. Since we get very little of that over here lets fraternise with our brothers and sisters. It makes very little difference to me that it isn’t my tax money that was used to maintain the comedy club formerly known as the House of Commons. I can assure you dear reader that I am eternal grateful for their efforts.

As it is tradition I want to give credit to the people who spared no expense, fellow citizens who with all their heart and soul try to make us laugh so hard that we no longer care about the economy.

First and foremost I want to thank Douglas Hogg, former minister of agriculture. He – as it is his God-given right – claimed expenses for the cleaning of his moat and actually got into trouble for that. When I first read about I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants. Give me a break! This poor man had to buy a castle, maintain it and all he wanted was reimbursement for the expenses he had to clean the moat. How would Gordon Brown feel if he had to pay for the police officers that protect 10 Downing Street?

Mr. Hogg needs a moat since castles are normally surrounded by country side which – quite naturally – is filled with peasants and other jealous creatures. The moat not only keeps them out but also rivaling knights, bands of robbers, Scottish invasion forces and minstrels. Who could blame him? Douglas – we are with you on this!

The next candidate I want to mention is Sir Peter Viggers. He was Northern Ireland Office minister in the late 1980s and is now fighting for peoples rights as an MP for the Tories. David Cameron, self proclaimed leader of the Tories and widely recognized as major pain in the hole forced Sir Peter to stand down as an MP for Gosport at the next general election. I am shocked and disgusted. All Sir Peter did was claiming expenses for his floating duck island. Give me a break!

We all know of the importance protecting ducks from marauding foxes and jealous peasants and how very much this is part of an MPs job description. Why is Cameron so pissed off? 32.000 £ in gardening expenses isn’t that much if you think about it. To put this in prospective; we blew hundreds of billions up some bankers asses and no one complained about it.

Bill Wiggin, who claimed 11.000 £ over 20 months for mortgage interest on his country home despite him not actually having a mortgage on it is probably in the wrong. He should have applied for a mortgage instead of paying it cash but trying to sack him over the dispute? That’s a bit harsh. From what I hear I actually did have a mortgage but not on his country home but the London home. I just put in the wrong address. Well that is mistake we probably all made in the past. Owning several properties to accommodate any possible mood one could be in isn’t all that easy. We therefore should not blame him for getting mixed up.

And don’t get me started on veteran MP Anthony Steen. The poor man is in trouble over claiming the cost for getting his private forest inspected by an expert. No wonder everything is going down the drain. First the tree huggers complain about our big cars and when we try to save the planet these tight bastards complain again. Some people are just never happy.

A certainly tragic loss is Speaker Michael Martin. He was a role model for many years and if people would have listened to him we wouldn’t have all this trouble in the first place. He always opposed demands to make expenses or any other financial matter transparent. He was proven right after all. The whole recession could have been avoided if we had just kept our eyes and ears closed and had continued spending money we will never be able to repay. Let our children worry about it. What else are they good for? We made it too easy for them anyways. We already destroyed the planet for them, ended Communism and with a bit of luck Capitalism as well … what are they supposed to do? They will need a challenge at some stage. We certainly don’t want them to get bored. We all know how that ends.

So, what do we learn from this episode? Well for one, I was a fool filling in my expenses claims they way I did and secondly: UK politicians are a lot more entertaining than ours. We should therefore sack the every single member of the Dáil and get some decent actors to do the job. Considering how much we pay our government and how little they give us in return this step is long overdue.


One Response to “What’s the trouble?”

  1. Allen
    May 22nd, 2009 @ 10:43

    I came to your blog just when I was surfing on this topic. I am happy that I found your blog and information I wanted.

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