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Safe from harm


Posted by | Evil Kristos | June 7, 2009 | 1 Comment

Last week I heard on the radio that Ireland’s first cat hospital has opened its doors. I’ve got to say I’m feeling much better now, kind of safe you know. I’ve been to a hospital once, one they built for humans, and it was the most depressing experience ever. I vowed that day that I’ll never get sick as a long as I live in this country. I was so disgusted that my self healing powers all over sudden multiplied so I was able to leave that sinister place without even seeing a doctor. The latter would not have happened for at least another 10 hours anyways.

They must have made great progress on that front. If we have enough resources to spare we even start building specialised facilities for cats the Irish health system must have improved drastically in recent years. I remember a time when – as a human – you had to make phone calls to hospitals all over the country to get a free bed. If you found one it was most likely in the middle of nowhere and you had to be lucky enough to have someone driving you there. This is assuming you were still fit enough to be transported in a regular car in the first place. I have some scary memories about this. Thank god these days are over.

Although I thought I only recently heard that patients still wait up to 18 months for a live saving operation because they don’t have the capacities in hospitals. Well, I must have heard wrong.

Anyways; quite interesting I found what the woman in this interview had to say about the reason for opening a specialist facility for cats. Cats as a species apparently are rather negative. They always assume the worst and that’s why they are uncomfortable when brought to a regular vet practice. All the noises and the other animals mustering them and also being sick in the first place; they have some great insight into cats. I never expected that.

Kind of logical sounded when they said that cats would try to hide their illness as long as possible because they are predators and don’t want to appear weak. And because they are hiding it so well they are normally much sicker than dogs for example. Dogs – just like men – are probably a lot more outspoken when it comes to being unwell. I can concur with that.

What really bugged me was the part where they said that a cat’s general perception of the world is rather negative. I wonder who figured that out. It’s not as if you could have world with them as in “How is life?” and the cat answers in a very Marvinistic way: “Life…don’t talk to me about Life. I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed. Here I am; a superior predator with a brain the size of a planet and all I get to do is playing with a Woolley Bully Wool Mouse and eating whiskas. How depressing.”

It was probably the Americans. They are pretty good when it comes to useless information. I heard that they even have shrinks for dogs. How decadent is that? The planet is falling apart, people starve and still there is a market for dog psychologist. What a waste of resources!

And it does make you wonder; how does one come up with dog shrink as a career aspiration? Do you go to university and one morning you wake up and decide that it is more important to attend neurotic dogs than finding a cure for AIDS? How does this work in the first place. A little schnauzer comes to your practice and looks depressed. So you tell him to lay down on the couch and talk about his mum? I’m just being curious. And there is another question I would like to ask; which party in this scenario is nuttiest. We cannot possibly blame the dog so it’s either the person working as a pet shrink or the pet owner who is paying a lot of money to some sort of con artist because he (or rather she although I’m guessing here) thinks the dog has a depression.

I am sure some people think I’m exaggerating here but these facilities exist; Cesar Millan, Inc. for example in Burbank California. But it’s not only the Americans. I also found a dog shrink in the UK as well although they like referring to themselves as dog whisperers. I wonder what crap movie inspired that name. Jesus I remember a time when I actually liked Robert Redford.

What I initially wanted to say is that since I heard that Ireland now has its first cat hospital and therefore assumed that all the problems we had in our health system have vanished over night I really do feel better. I feel safe from harm and I’m humming the classic tune from Massive Attack …

But if you hurt what’s mine I’ll sure as hell retaliate
You can free the world, you can free my mind, Just as long as my baby’s safe from harm tonight

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Comments

One Response to “Safe from harm”

  1. GarykPatton
    June 16th, 2009 @ 08:50

    How soon will you update your blog? I’m interested in reading some more information on this issue.

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