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Snakes of Desire – the very best band ever; I mean really


Posted by | Kristian | January 6, 2009 | No Comments

A famous saying goes like this: There are 3 kinds of people in the world: the ones who can count and the ones who can’t! Well, I’d like to add: There are two other kinds of people in the world; people that know the Snakes of Desire and people who don’t.

The Snakes are a phenomenon, a force of nature. Meeting them for me was one of these lucky coincidences that only ever happen in Ireland. Dublin in fact became the Snakes new home. Here they celebrated their biggest successes. Dublin is where their world tour starts and it always is the highlight of the season.

Some say; that when St. Patrick originally drove the snakes out of Ireland he did so only to make space for Johnny and his gang. Some believe a virgin bitten by one of the band members will turn into a Valkyrie in an instant. Some even think that the Snakes are not only the best band that has ever walked the planet but the best band that ever will and not just on earth but also surrounding galaxies. Ladies and Gentleman, get ready to meet the one and only Snakes of Desire.

Let me introduce them first. The Snakes of desire that are: Rudolf Essen Scheissen (Bass Guitar), Randolf Ubermeier Sechs (Drums), Gunther Klaus Luftwaffe (Lead Guitar), Ludwig Von Steinhofferberg (Keyboards & Guitar) and last but not least Johann Gusto Snakenscheiner infamous and legendary singer of the band. Every single one of them is a master and wunderkind. And trust me; they do bite!

According to their band historian they once emerged from the ruins of East Germany. The band was originally founded in the late 1940ies. They became an immediate success. Every single song they ever wrote became a hit but – and that is the tragic element – they never got the credit for it. There are two reasons to it.

When they set out to conquer the universe they didn’t get very far. Being from East Germany they couldn’t actually travel anywhere. To broadcast they had to transmit their songs via Morse code to the free world and they did so under the suspicious eyes of the Russian KGB.

Even in Morse code the potential of their music was recognised immediately. Bands around the globe picked it up and got enlightened. What followed is a truly sad and tragic story. While secretly admiring and envying the Snakes these bands started to steal their masterpieces and took the credit for them. These treacherous bastards became rich and famous doing nothing but copying the bands unique style and song material.

The Snakes couldn’t do anything about it. They were locked behind the cold bars of what once was called the Iron Curtain. All the Snakes ever got was a few faithful fans that knew the truth.
After the end of the cold war the band could finally set out to meet their loyal fans. They started a world tour that lasted more or less until this very day.

The Snake Army really are the most loyal and enthusiastic fans any band could ever ask for. They carry the Snakes of Desire from success to success. They are passionate, rich and even good looking. Rumour has that Johnny Snake (aka Johann Gusto Snakenscheiner) is very pleased with them. I can’t blame him. They celebrating him like a god and he deserves every bit of it.

For reasons not entirely understood the Snakes of Desire even after all these years remain one of the worlds best kept secrets. They never complain about it and keep touring stages all over the world but it is such a waste. All these poor souls that never experienced a Snakes concert and even worse; the poor children that grew up thinking the Scorpions are the greatest band ever coming from Germany. I know it’s shocking! It actually makes us weep.

What can I say? We, the snake army, shall remain faithful and spread the word. Keep it rocking Snakes! We need you!

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