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When will Steve Jobs announce the new iShite?

Posted by | Evil Kristos | April 21, 2010 | No Comments

I just read in the newspaper that Apple announced their quarterly results and damn they were good. In the second quarter their revenue skyrocketed. They almost doubled their profits (3.1 Billion Dollar) all thanks to iPod and iPhone. Even Mac Computers suddenly sell. It makes you wonder. I thought we are in the biggest recession in recorded history. People are allegedly losing their homes but still have enough money to buy highly overpriced designer phones and music players? I don’t get it.

I never particularly liked Apple but back in the old day that was based on Mac users (or better disciples). When you work in tech support you start hating that bunch pretty quickly. They are almost religious when it comes to their little computers. I remember having an argument with someone over his AppleTalk network protocol. He insisted that it was superior to anything on the market (and still that little idiot called me because he couldn’t get his network printer working). I explained to him how AppleTalk works AND what a crap concept it is to begin with AND that he would be far better off using Ethernet and TCP/IP but no. He blamed a 60.000 Dollar printer for not working in his superior Apple network that he was to stupid to set up in the first place.

Needless to say once we agreed to “test” the printer with the configuration I suggested it was up and running in a minute but that didn’t convince the client. Even if a Mac crashes – and they do – a Mac user would never blame his computer or operating system. They paid three or four times the price that a particular piece of equipment is worth so it must be good. Fair play to Steve; he really is a good salesman.

These days I dislike Apple for different reasons. They are an evil force ruining the internet and they seek world domination through their iTunes store. But we will come to that in a minute.

For a while I did see the appeal of the iPhone. It’s cute and it actually is OK for surfing. Since everyone has got one now and Apple forcing their users to install iTunes I wouldn’t buy one. I will admit though I was tempted and only put off by the price tag.

iTunes on the other had is the most devious concept ever. It doesn’t work very well on a PC and has a crap user interface but that doesn’t make it evil. It just makes it a regular not very well thought through piece of software almost deserving a Windows Vista sticker. The reason why I would never have iTunes on my computer is a different one.

iTunes is like the little devil sitting on your shoulder making you do stupid things. It flatters you and makes you pay for things that otherwise would be free. It is the very reason I wouldn’t get an iPod if it was free but I will admit that Jobs deserves credit for it. He didn’t invent the concept but he sure took advantage of it.

For the younger people among you: A few years back printer manufacturers discovered there is more money to be made in ink than the actual hardware. They started giving away their printers for very little money and got filthy rich on selling overpriced ink. In a way Apple is doing a similar thing with their iTunes stores except they still charge ridiculous amounts for their hardware and people pay it.

I mean you get a USB stick that plays music for 10 Euro still people spend 200 Euro for more or less the same functionality. I bought a MD player for 30 Euro years ago that offers the same music quality, is lighter, runs forever on one battery and is – from a nerds point of view – a lot cooler than any iPhone will ever be. And it doesn’t force me to use a music and application store that tries to be even more evil than Microsoft in its worst days of world domination.

And when I thought it can’t get any worse they release the iPad. It’s a completely useless, unnecessary and as usual overpriced piece of junk that is celebrated all over the world (before even seeing it) because it comes from Apple.

Details like not supporting Flash (the internet standard for a number of applications) doesn’t bother anyone. That it doesn’t anything a laptop can’t do better? No one cares. The Yanks bought so many of them that Apple had to postpone the launch in the rest of the world.

I know people always said Yanks are stupid but come on. Even by their standards it is going a bit far. It looks like even Apple themselves underestimated the “demand” for such a device. Has the world gone mad?

Jobs is no guru, he is a salesman that created an empire based on technology he stole from Xerox. I am convinced if Steve jobs would go on a stage, take a crap and then announce this is the new iShite people would celebrate it. We have come this far. Wake up people!

An iMac is a live style choice but certainly not a better computer than any PC. And it runs on a Linux system so you might as well use Ubuntu that runs on any cheap PC. As for security; no one bothered writing a virus for Macs that is their security concept. Once there are enough Macs around it will change. Once hackers see the potential they will start attacking Mac machines and unlike Microsoft Apple is not prepared for this.

An iPod is basically a MP3 player although I am not sure if it actually supports the MP3 standard. You get them a lot cheaper in any electronic shop. I’m not kidding.

iPhones; yes they are pretty but all the competitors seem to be superior in their functionality. I use phones mainly to text people so I have an old Nokia with a keyboard. I can even ring people, read emails and I don’t know what else. It’s a fascinating technology. What can an iPhone other than that? On my phone is worth a staggering 2.44 Euro and still people spend 450 Euro on an iPhone.

The concept of an iPad which basically is a laptop that you cannot close to protect the screen to protect it is so f*cking stupid that I simply won’t bother telling you what a waste of money this is. But go ahead, buy it. Why read a free pdf on your PC when you can pay for it in the iTunes store and the read it on a device that you apparently can only use with your feet up.

I guess in a few years Amazon, Google and Apple will rule the world but then we always said that you get what you deserve. May be I should charge people for reading this blog. It certainly would make it more appealing to the Mac disciples.


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